Shakibing’s Pink Place

… and they are totally true 

1. Shaki Bing can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
2. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Shaki Bing is going to walk.
3. Shaki Bing can slam revolving doors.
4. Shaki Bing doesn’t have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Shaki Bing.
5. Shaki Bing sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
6. Shaki Bing can delete the Recycling Bin.
7. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Shaki Bing says its beef, then it’s beef.
8. Once a cobra bit Shaki Bing’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
9. Shaki Bing does not sleep. She waits.
10. On her birthday, Shaki Bing randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
11. Giraffes were created when Shaki Bing uppercutted a horse.
12. Shaki Bing does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
13. Shaki Bing can speak braille.
14. Shaki Bing beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Shaki Bing.
16. Shaki Bing was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
17. Shaki Bing died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell her.
18. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Shaki Bing, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
19. Shaki Bing has the heart of a child. She keeps it in a small box.
20. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Shaki Bing ate Kobayashi.
21. Shaki Bing always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
22. Shaki Bing’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Shaki Bing.
23. Shaki Bing sleeps with a night light. Not because Shaki Bing is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Shaki Bing
24. Shaki Bing is the only one who can “try this at home.”
25. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Shaki Bing could use to kill you, including the room itself.
26. If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Shaki Bing laughing at you.
27. Shaki Bing once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
28. Shaki Bing destroyed the periodic table, saying Shaki Bing only recognizes the element of surprise.
29. Shaki Bing and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
30. On a high school math test, Shaki Bing put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Shaki Bing solves all her problems with Violence.
31. Shaki Bing counted to infinity – twice.
32. Shaki Bing can kill two stones with one bird.
33. Shaki Bing’s blood type is WD-40.
34. Shaki Bing was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
35. Shaki Bing had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Shaki Bing went the lamb was sure to go. So she killed it.
36. Shaki Bing invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
37. Shaki Bing became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
38. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Shaki Bing punched herself in the face.
39. You are what you eat. That is why Shaki Bing’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
40. Shaki Bing played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
41. Whenever Shaki Bing plays Chutes and Ladders, she treats the chutes as ladders, because she’s not some sissy who can’t climb up a plastic slide.
42. Shaki Bing wears a cup not to protect herself, but to protect the players on the other team.
43. Getting murdered by Shaki Bing counts as a natural cause of death.
44. Shaki Bing can watch a season of “24″ in just three hours.
45. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Shaki Bing can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck she wants.
46. The last man who made eye contact with Shaki Bing was Ray Charles.
47. The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Shaki Bing and forgot to pay her back.
48. Shaki Bing owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped her win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite her holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
49. Shaki Bing was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
50. Weeping Willows are a result of Shaki Bing yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
51. When Shaki Bing gets pulled over she lets the cop off with a warning.
52. Shaki Bing irons her shirts while she’s wearing them.
53. Shaki Bing can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
54. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Shaki Bing has found too chewy to eat.
55. Onions do not make Shaki Bing cry. Shaki Bing makes onions crap themselves.
56. Shaki Bing was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
57. Shaki Bing knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
58. Shaki Bing once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give her a speeding ticket, however Shaki Bing still pleads her innocence to this day, stating that she was simply out for a morning jog.
59. Crop circles are Shaki Bing’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
60. Shaki Bing does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Shaki Bing goes killing.
61. Shaki Bing can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
62. Shaki Bing invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink (just to humour her )
63. When Shaki Bing goes to donate blood, she declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
64. Shaki Bing used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
65. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Shaki Bing and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
66. Shaki Bing is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
67. Shaki Bing puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
68. Shaki Bing can make a paraplegic run for her life.
69. Shaki Bing once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
70. The word “gay” derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as “He who has not yet been introduced to Shaki Bing.”
71. Shaki Bing is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
72. The only time Shaki Bing was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
73. Superman owns a pair of Shaki Bing pajamas.
74. Shaki Bing is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
75. Shaki Bing’s dog is trained to pick up her own poop because Shaki Bing will not take crap from anyone.
76. Shaki Bing doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
77. When Shaki Bing deletes files from her computer, she doesn’t send them to the Recycle Bin. She sends them to hell.
78. Shaki Bing once stated that she “doesn’t wail on sissy boys.” This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Shaki Bing was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
79. Shaki Bing has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
80. Shaki Bing doesn’t read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
81. If Shaki Bing wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
82. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Shaki Bing has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
83. Only once has Shaki Bing ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
84. Shaki Bing does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.
85. When Shaki Bing gives you the finger, she’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
86. Circles exist because Shaki Bing beat the crap out of some squares.
87. Shaki Bing can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
88. Shaki Bing is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
89. The end result of the game “Clue” is always the same: Shaki Bing was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
90. Shaki Bing can tie her shoes with her feet.
91. Shaki Bing’s family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can’t see what’s in them.
92. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Shaki Bing allows to live.
93. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Shaki Bing’s house one Christmas.
94. If you haven’t seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don’t bother, Shaki Bing wins.
95. Shaki Bing is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
96. Shaki Bing doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” She plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
97. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Shaki Bing’s basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
98. If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Shaki Bing.
99. When Shaki Bing plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
100. When Shaki Bing enters a room, she doesn’t turn the lights on, she turns the dark off.

Source: Top 100 Facts About *Any* Person